June 2010


MY…..MOUTH…….IS ON FIRE.

I just unintentionally made the hottest vegetarian chili on the planet. I’m talking the kind of diner you need a shower after, which will undoubtedly be followed by the kind of ‘bathroom beaks’ you need a shower after.

I was looking for chili pictures. Instead I discovered an all-penis band.

I forgot to mention some super important news regarding the SAJ (because it sounds dirtier than JAS) household. We have a new super cute/ serial killer-y cat named Tokey, or as Kristian calls him Togepi. I have to admit he is pretty awesome, not only does he fucking love human contact, but he’s also not afraid to stand his ground either. Try moving him when he’s sleeping, just try. It’s like moving a passively resisting hippy from the front of a whale-bearing redwood. I would post some pictures of him for you guys to see but I’m a fucking lazy ass. Maybe some other time. What, I’m busy. You don’t know me. Ah hem…anyways. I say serial killer-y because minutes into his first outdoor excursion he eviscerated a baby rabbit and proceed to go all lotion basket on it’s ass until Abby found it.

Kristian is still in Montreal. As sad as it seems I miss his skinny blond ass. Get your mind out of the gutter. This might mean that we’re both officially lesbians; let the scissoring and Tori Amos road-trips begin. I’m thinking of planning something special and gay for when he gets back.

Yep that should do the trick

I also applied for three new jobs, all of which are in group homes. One seemed really eager to set up training and interviews, so that’s probably a really good sign. I’m a little intimidated by the group home setting so Steve I may be consulting you for advice since you’re the social work guru of the group.

OMFG someone’s alarm just went off for the 4th time in the last 40 mins. I’m about two more alarms from throwing a brick through their windshield and making some chili through the hole.

Anyways, here’s your weekly/daily/whenever I feel like it links:

A highschool journalist schools an AZ state senator. Media, are you taking notes?

A bear mauling just adds insult to the injury of this man’s unfortunately lightning struck life.

Watch the entirety of the highly underrated Reno 911 from the beginning on The Comedy Network

Leno’s Tonight Show fails to achieve Conan ratings.

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As I type this I’m sitting on my back porch being eaten alive by mosquitoes, waiting for my burgers to cook. I can see why Winnipeg decided to fog these little shits are getting out of hand. Is it bad in Brandon this year? I’m starting to think Winnipeg must get them way worse.

Today was kind of a write off, I just slept, got groceries, and cleaned up our new patio a bit. Kristian is in Montreal for the next 6 days so I’m probably in for some serious boredom. That is unless of course Danielle decides to follow up on her assertion that she will be in fact visiting Winnipeg this Saturday. Of course my friend Johann the Unicorn might come visit  me so that could be fun too.

Ok bugs are to bad, I’m done for now.

PS Remember the picture I posted of that gaping dimensional gate in the middle of the Trans Canada? Here’s a video.

Because just because.

I used to have a Jurassic Park themed room in the 90’s. Giant dinosaur posters, Jurassic Park bed set, fossil sets, it was serious. Why is  that the things that make you the coolest kid on the block when you’re 10 don’t translate to adult coolness?

I’m sitting in an art studio populated by people that are almost exclusively speaking Mandarin. Kristian is drawing two giant penii….hmmm do you think that’s grammatically correct? Lets just say dicks. To fill the time and because this is concert season in Winnipeg I’ve decided to list some of Winnipeg’s most awesomest new and not so new bands.

Jicah: They’re incredibly talented at writing punchy indie-pop gems. “La Vida Dolce” is a good start.

Imaginary Cities: A collaboration between Rusty Matyas of The Waking Eyes, and Matti Sarbit. Soulful and strong vocals, with pop sensibility.

Cannon Bros: A boy-girl/guitar-drums duo. Think White Stripes at their cutest + American lo-fi indie + the movie Juno. Cole  comes off as a cuter lo-fi Michael Cera.

Enjoy Your Pumas: Probably my favorite Winnipeg band of the moment, or at least their live shows so that’s more what I’m describing. Think of a smoother combination of Yeah Yeah Yeahs and YSPWSD!’s “XXXX”. Rosie’s vocals are really strong in a live setting, and her stage presence and mannerisms are really similar to Emily Haines and Karen O’s. This band’s probably most likely to make it outside Winnipeg.

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Still bored so I went through the archives, here’s some finds:

RIP white dancing shoes. We had some good times.

Repressed childhood memories: How my father taught me to ride a bike (scroll down). Did I already post this?

I’m a fucking great artist

Well that’s gay…


What’s that on my hea….OMG KILL IT!

The first time I met J and A. Basically still the same….except that tongue piercing…Abby you trollop you.


…true and ironic?

Today I decided to stop being a fat ass, and by that I mean I ate some lettuce and went for a 40 min run. I’ve been a little nervous to step onto the scale because I’m sure I must have gained back some of the winter weight I lost. I’d like to stress once again that I’m not looking to get skinny, but I just want to lose the excess fat I’ve been carrying around. Also having arms that don’t look like those of an African child would be nice too. Anyways lets get serious now.

I don’t know how closely you guys follow the American news but I found this article interesting….cancel that, CNN has changed the article due to pressure from the public. The main idea of the piece was that President Obama was being criticized for his recent speech on the BP oil spill crisis. What was the problem you ask? Was it too vague? Did he make some sort of political faux-pas? No, it was too brainy and elitist sounding because it was written at a grade 9.8 level. Yes, that’s the problem here. Not the fact that anything written at an (almost) grade ten level is considered too brainy and elitist for the American public to understand. It’s truly sad that an American president’s intelligence and verbal eloquence is considered a liability. In a time when much of the American public wasn’t even literate Jefferson and Franklin’s oratory skills were not considered a liability. I agree that a president’s language during his speeches should be understandable by the average person; but when that same person is expected to at least complete high school, it doesn’t seem too much to ask for them to understand something written at a grade ten level. I don’t want to come off as if I’m only criticizing the American public because I’m sure the same standards apply here in Canada as well. We also condemn certain politician’s for being elitist or not in touch with the “common man”. We have to ask our selves, do we really want an Average Joe dealing with the complexities of running an entire nation, or do we want someone that appears to be a little brainy and eloquent?  Democracy is designed to run best when the public is both active and educated on the issues. Sadly in the modern world this is becoming harder and harder for the average person to do. There’s a great many reasons for this, many of which are out of our control, but a grade seven level of comprehension is a pathetic standard to set for ourselves.

Rant over. Now pick apart my terrible grammar.

Meanwhile in Saskatchwan….

Look at this insanity. That’s the Trans-Canada which apparently had a black hole open up this week. I knew the potholes were bad but holy shit. Can you imagine driving down the highway and coming upon that? Better yet can you imagine being the person to call it in to the highway department? “Uh hi, apparently a dimensional gateway has opened up and is now trying to devour our world. You might want to send some guys down.”

This baby does the Samba, your argument is invalid

So this happened today……

In news of a more local nature, my vehicle has finally been recovered. No word on the damage yet as I’m still waiting to hear back from MPI. This is a win-win for me. Outcome 1: I have a mode of transportation. Outcome 2: I have several thousand dollars which are greatly needed right  now.

My brother is coming in tomorrow to look at apartments with me and just generally tour the city and campus.  Jensi the god of travel and friendship hates me so the weather forecast is thundershowers with a chance of thundershowers. Fuck.

Also this show looks good here I’ll show my work.  Sopranos + Martin Scorsese + Steve Bushemi + Period drama = Good.

Now links!

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A Dying man leaves for Pakistan to hunt down and kill Osama Bin Laden while you were complaining about your sore feet.

BP coffee spill

7 people who cheated death (and then kicked it in the balls)

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