The Escape Plan

Sean — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 08:07:25 +0000

We all miss somebody sometimes.

d’awwww

Sean — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 17:00:06 +0000

A dad enters into negotiations with his daughter.

via TDW

Memories

Sean — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 04:38:32 +0000

The internet keeps trying to tell me this album was from 2006 but it just seems to be impossible in my head.

Quite Good Typing

Sean — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 03:57:12 +0000

I’ve spent most of my day pretty bored. It felt like such a waste because the weather outside is so unnaturally warm. I don’t have much interesting to say today so here’s an example of what I do at work:

One of my clients has a pet beta fish named “Snowflake” that he constantly torments. It’s not necessarily malicious, he just seems to have no idea of how to take care of a fish (and not kill the thing). I had some time on my hands so I decided it was time for Snowflake to draft a letter to my client. Lets call my client “David”. If you’re bored and want to read a letter from a fish check it out after the jump.

How to Keep Snowflake Happy and Healthy!

By Snowflake

My name is Snowflake and I’m David’s oldest fish. I was pretty happy to move into my new home in David’s room but I need you to help me with a few things to keep me happy and healthy.

Don’t change my water too often! Hey man I was just getting comfortable in here! I only need my water changed once a week.

No cold water! Brrr! I don’t have a jacket, mitts, or even ear muffs so cold water is no fun. I get sick, slow, and sleepy when you put cold water into my tank so always use water at room temperature.

Let my water sit a bit first! Yuck I can barely breathe in here. Tap water is gross and bottled water is even worse. Before changing my water let it sit over night to mellow out. I also like water conditioner to help get rid of that nasty chlorine. Don’t use too much though!

No tapping! Ouch that hurts my ears and scares me. I like it when David talks to me but tapping on my glass hurts my head and stresses me out. My little heart can’t take too much stress. Talking not tapping!

Oww, no touching! Hey man, keep your hands to yourself! I like people but need my personal space like everyone else. When people touch me with their hands or nets it bruises me and tears my scales off. That really hurts you know! Plus, the doctor says it can make me very very sick too.

Keep me in my home! Woah where am I? Keep me in my own tank except when you’re changing my water for me. It’s too confusing to move from tank to tank, it really stresses me out!

Don’t over feed me! Yum! I love my fish food but I’m not very good at controlling myself, I just want to eat and eat! The doctor told me I should get my humans to help me control my eating. When I eat too much I get sleepy and boring, plus I feel really bad after. The doctor says I could even die if I pig out too much. My food bottle says how much I should eat.

I like friends! I want to be friends with all the humans in my house but I don’t like bullies! I like it when people talk to me and take good care of me but it makes me sad when I get bullied or see my friend’s being bullied.

Thanks!

Thanks for reading my rules! I depend on my friend David and the other humans to take care of me. If everyone follows these rules I’ll live a longer happy and healthy life!

He has a point

Sean — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 23:26:18 +0000

Via text

Me: For some reason straight guys like me. I just had one befriend me at the bus stop.

Fred: You smell like a girl.

Oh yeah here’s CBC Radio’s top 10 songs of 2011, enjoy!

Happy New Years!

Something On My Chest

Sean — Fri, 30 Dec 2011 05:27:44 +0000

I have some shocking confessions to make. Music aficiendos and hipsters should stop reading here to prevent panty bunching.

I don’t like Tune-Yards, Destroyer, or Dirty Projectors. There I said it. Even the way Tune-Yards is spelled (tUnE-yArDs) aggravates me. I want to like Destroyer so much…but I just don’t. Here’s Dirty Projectors:

What the shit. Liberal Art school gone awry. Keep in mind I like weird pretentious music. Maybe I’ll come around, it wouldn’t be the first time, but I doubt it.

Anyways, speaking of pretentious, what ever happened to Patrick Wolf? Never mind, I looked it up. He was awesomely talented, awesomely gay, and awesomely pretentious. Turns out he may have took all of that way too far to disastrous effect in singles like this…

That song just makes me uncomfortable. This song however is kinda awesome. I’d also like to say it’s probably what Fred and I’s awkward son would be like. Enjoy.

The Blazer Gives It All Away

Sean — Thu, 29 Dec 2011 01:05:15 +0000

Tonight’s been a good night. I have food in the house for the first time in a week, there’s going to be some serious business smoothies later, and I’m going to an art show at 8. On top of it I get to try some of my new clothes out on the local hipsters. I picked up 2 cardigans, 2 shirts, and a blue blazer. Not bad for $100, I probably would have done even better but Forever 21 had shit for sales and no mediums in anything.

I’m obsessing over this song, both the original and the remix.

Ok Just finished making snoothies. They’re pretty much the best thing ever. I love my food processor already!

Still Breathing

Sean — Fri, 23 Dec 2011 09:42:48 +0000

As usual I can’t sleep so I figured I’d do a short update here. I’m watching a hilarious and dare I say touching episode of Kenny Hotz’s Triumph of the Will. Kenny’s trying to find his 75 year old mother love. Is it creepy to say I think she’s beautiful for 75? I’m also having a minor break out of hives from stress. Great. It’s been a strange week; it started with an absolute disaster at work on Monday. I’ve gone out to drink twice already this week as well; on one occasion a hipster girl sat down with me and struck up a conversation, and on another I bumped into a girl I used to gawk at back in grade 11. Apparently I’m “obviously from Osborne village”. I wasn’t sure if that was a compliment or an insult. Gay karaoke night was surprisingly busy and even more conspicuously lacking in drag queens. My mom called today and apparently thought I was dead. My phone’s been on and off all month and apparently she’s been calling me for 3 weeks. Oops. Thanks for calling the authorities though mom, jeez I would have been disposed of in the Assiniboine for weeks by now. Ah I also tried to get a gym pass this week but Snap ended their 8.95 trial-month promotion. Looks like I need to wait until next pay period then.

I’m still depressed as shit and moping my lonely ass around the house randomly touching things and looking out the window. Seriously, put a wig on me and get a camera with a filter to shoot me through. This could be a Prozac commercial. Anyways, because I’m moody here’s a song that makes me sad.

A bit of good news

Sean — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 20:35:59 +0000

Canadian researchers have made a pretty big step forward in the battle against AIDS.

Doors

Sean — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 08:11:37 +0000

Work was terrible today. I feel like this line of work is really getting to me. Instead of feeling good about what I do I just get beat down by the heartbreaking things I see. The worst is that it’s seriously lacking in any sort of recognition or thanks. I just wanted to come home tonight crawl into bed and have someone lay with me and tell me it’s ok and I’m doing the right thing. I might take some time off.

Sean — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 06:17:01 +0000

I could listen to classic Matthew Good for infinity right now.

Stay

Sean — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 05:48:29 +0000

So I walked aimlessly around downtown for a couple hours tonight. Don’t really know what else to do with myself but staying at home is driving me crazy. I bought a lotto ticket because why not, maybe karma will even things out for me. I could just up and leave this city for a bit. It’s never been anything but miserable for me during the holidays since I moved here. If I win I’m taking all you folks on vacation somewhere with me.

On the way home this was playing on the radio and it was almost too much

…..

Sean — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 03:32:05 +0000

Well it wouldn’t be the holiday season in Winnipeg without my annual dose of heartbreak. Today was terrible. I guess I have some extra motivation to get that gym pass tomorrow.

Stress

Sean — Fri, 16 Dec 2011 09:28:55 +0000

I’ve now taken to walking around my house doing weird shit on the verge of a panic attack. This course seems like it will hinge completely on which long answer questions are asked. I could do great or terrible based on what is asked.

*Update* I’ve begun to talk to myself…

*Update* s:DOfuhaslodfiuh

Go Canada

Sean — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 07:24:36 +0000

After learning this, I’m not surprised Time Magazine just named Ryan Gosling as the year’s “coolest” man.

He’s also not a bad singer and adorable with old people. He also breaks up random fights on the streets of New York.